Counter World Clockwise

 ”How, we got in this fight.”

                         Aria Sharp - Not this Life

Why does someone’s right, make someone’s wrong?  It never seems enough that there is a belief, but it must be further defined by stating that the opposite belief is wrong…and this is where the world goes wrong.

                          Sara Adyms - Parade of Fools

There are some days that we find ourselves too tired to care; but it merely seems this way. For it is not that we don’t care, but it is that we are so exhausted by our tiresome cycle, that we would rather lay in silence than to try and communicate ourselves in some form.  It is in this absense, that we find a pattern leading to apathy…it is easier to not care, than it is to act out.  It is this silence that we find ourselves putting off the exploration of who we are; as it does us no good to be bothered with such a task today.

We work, We eat, We sleep.

 It is simply how the world operates, and there is no room for those who do not accept their place within the pattern woven to us, for us…god how I hate such a truth.  There is another illusion in this, for it is not merely truth but an acceptance.

 We used to be explorers, yet there is only ourselves left to explore and so many are unble to accept such a concept.  Oh, how I envy the child who has not yet lost thier innocence.   The world is a place of fun and games, imagination and creativity.   The sky is painted with a beautiful brushing of strokes; and the trees sing songs as leaves dance merrily admist the fae and angels.

Angels watch from crisp clouds that float lazily in the sky, watching us from behind a golden sun that wafts down the scent of life to our sun-kissed nose and spreading smile.

We are a world that is afraid to believe.

And we find ourselves wishing so that it could be real…

I know that I do.

“I used to scream out loud at God and question, why he hated me.”

                                                                 Sara Adyms - Today

A smile, a tear, a laugh, a sob…

Acknowledging our humanity; the hardest thing some of us ever do.   To admit that we fumble, to admit that we falter, to admit that we stumble, to admit that we are imperfect.

It’s a terrifying thing to do.

We teach that we need to be independant, and so success is garnered by this measure; yet how can we measure up?  In truth, what we are teaching is the inability to ask for help when it is needed.

To ask for help, makes you needy.

To cry, makes you dramatic.

To hurt, makes you weak.

To need comfort, makes you dependant.

To have faith, is to be gulliable.

 To have dreams, is to be foolish.

We lack the ability to be patient with those who reach out for help, I think, because others have never done so for us.   We lack the patience to be supportive, because we are needing that support ourselves and don’t know how to reach out for it.

…It really is a mad little world; here’s to admitting it.

“to mend the bruises of my spirit.”

                            Aria Sharp - The High Cost of Living

Time changes everything, including who we are.  Without regret, who are we?   If there was never a failure, then what would we have left to learn?  In life, there are tears, regrets, pain and sorrow.  We must learn to understand that everything happens for a reason; even the things that cause suffering, or loss.  It is a hard thing to grasp, and perhaps we are not meant to.  In the beginning, we would rush to change things, to undo the events that hurt us so; but in the end, we must learn to understand that it is not our place to do such.

We are made better for our sufferings, and that is why we are here.

You cannot truly appreciate something unless you are made to realize just how valueable it really is.

We all wish horrible things would never happen.  We long for our loved ones returned, for the unexusible genocides and tragic mistakes of our history to simply not be, to have never existed.

But we must learn instead, that we have no way of knowing what could have been, or will be.   To change what has already happened, you risk changing who you are, we are.

 …And for better, or for worse, that is not our right.   We do not understand the expanses of time, and to think on such a primitive level is to do injustice to ourselves, and to the universe itself.

On a more basic leve; for all the things I wish I could have changed, I will trust that I am better off having made the mistakes, and hope to have learned from them than to wish them away.

We choose our actions; there is no time machine, nor should we use one.

…so perhaps we should learn from the past as well.

“of half-assed thoughts and broken dreams.”

                         Sara Adyms - Tangle-weave

The mind is a tricky piece of humanity that doesn’t always play fair when it comes to reality.

“What is real?”   asked Blajeny, in Madeline L’Engle’s “A wind in the door.”, as Meg Wallace struggles to place a sense of order to the sureal events that once again seem to be unfolding.  It is a question commonly asked in this story and will remain to be one that even the wisest man strugles to answer.  “What is real?” 

 Everything in this world has a name, even if it is different from person to person.  It is not the object being named that is changed, but someone else’s perception of it.  Without understanding this, you fail to realize the possibilities that exist for several things of the same name to be different, and vice-versa; how many things of a different name, are in reality, the same?

 A particular topic that comes to mind bodes of religion, but I don’t have to get into details for someone to expend energy exploring it.  There are some who would grow red in the face and delcare blasphamy over the very mention of such a suggestion; but in the end, it is not thier perception that matters.

 It matters not, what name we give to things; they will exist as what they are, regardless of what we call them.  

Having said that, it is just as important to understand that a name is the most powerful thing that can be placed upon another.   With a name, comes existance, and without a name, we are lost to everything.   With a name, we are given our identity, whether real or false.  With a name, we lose ourselves, and can be changed.   

In the book ”So you want to be a wizard.”,  by Diane Duane,  the readers are shown that sometimes it is the power of a name that can determine everything, including who we are or could one day be.   In the Lone Power’s name, the last symbol is a circle; translated to ‘forever-never’, perhaps trapping him to exist as he is, eternally.   But Juinita changes the last symbol of his name, drawing an arrow from the center of the circle; bestowing upon him a way out of the dark cycle that he has trapped himself in…he does not have to take it, and perhaps never will; but there becomes a path out, if he so wishes it…all because of a new name.

A name…something that seemingly means so little, has started wars, destroyed lives, scorned, mocked, praised, worshipped, validated, justified…

A name is more than a word, it is who we are.

…sad, it is, that so few would realize this.

Sadder still, how many wouldn’t understand.

“I’d buy your love.”

            Bare Naked Ladies - If I had a Million Dollars

Money doesn’t buy love, but anyone who says it doesn’t buy happiness is a fool.  You do not need money to be happy, and you don’t need money to fall in love, but it really doesn’t hurt either.

 I try, I really do.  An extra dollar into the donation bin at the check-out line; volunteering in mentor programs and buying an extra bag of groceries for the food shelf.  Donating money to “Feed the Children”, and babysitting the neighbor’s children because you can tell that all she really needs is just an hour to get away and can’t afford a babysitter to do it with.  I know my limits and I keep within them most of the time; but I find myself dreaming of all of the good I could do if I wasn’t barely making ends meet myself.

Don’t get me wrong; I have a good life; but one of my greatest sorrows is watching someone struggle when you would do nearly anything to help them somehow.

The world is a big place, and we can’t help everyone; but when it is right there in front of you, and you are helpless to do anything that will really matter in the long run…It sits with you.

 And so I’m back to daydreaming.

Daydreaming of what I would do if money wasn’t an issue.   Of what I would do if I won the lottery or had even one million of the success that certain people of hollywood squander with flamboyant wastefulness.

 I’d buy a home.   A real home instead of my little apartment.  A home with a backyard and a few bedrooms.   I’d take up foster care.  Because I would have a home that was paid for, and wouldn’t have to worry about mortgage payments, I wouldn’t have to worry about if I could pay my bills on time and just give those kids something that all children deserve…a chance to learn who they are; remember how to dream, and be given a chance. 

I’d buy my C6 friend a real car and not the deathtrap, gas guzzler of doom that she drives now. 

I’d buy a second house, one with lots of rooms and just let my friends live there.  Good people who have jobs but just can’t seem to get ahead because it’s hard to get ahead when you started off so far behind.  In return, they just have to do one thing.  Take up volunteering…anywhere, anytime…but just do it.

I’d get a list of all the local schools and get a list of the children who are on free-lunches and then send them home with a backpack loaded with food; a 100 dollar grocery gift card and fill thier locker with all the school supplies you could possibly need; and just for them…a 50 dollar gift certificate to a store where they can buy something for Themselves…

 I’d make sure that none of my friends had to agonize over how they were going to feed their family that week.

But I am a modest person, who lives a modest life and as much as I’d like to do those things, they are at this time, far beyond my means.   So I’ll keep volunteering, I will keep giving that extra dollar at the store, and donating an extra bag of groceries here and there, or dropping off a bag or two at a friend’s place so I know her family can eat a bit better that week; and I’lll try to do all that I can do, even without money.

 …You don’t need money to help someone.

And that’s sort of the point.    No one has an excuse for not helping someone else, no matter how little they have.

…What kind of person can watch someone’s pain and not want to do something?

Will any of those things change someone’s life?  …No, but it will make someone’s life better, if even for a single day.

 We all deserve one day of happiness…it gives us the hope we need to keep trying.

One day, I’ll be able to do more to do more, but for now, I’ll do what I can.

 More of us should.

“Seeking shelter under the trees.”

                       Aria Sharp - Scatter.

I write this as the storm clouds roll through the sky with careful vengeance.   The sun is nowhere to be seen, lightning strikes the ground with amazing and my only thought is how truly beautiful it really is. 

Have you ever danced in the rain?  Twirled around and around, bare-foot and soaked to the skin while laughing at the clouds?  Yelled defiently at the sky, daring it to grow greater and defying the thought that you might be afraid?

 …No, we’re too practical for that these days.

 …Storms are destructive, deadly, dangerous; and so we are scared of them.

 While true, perhaps it wouldn’t be as true if we didn’t put houses next to lakes, rivers and oceans; didn’t cut down millions of trees to make room for concrete and steel, or heat up the world with toxic warmth.

 If you don’t mess with Nature, Nature will usually leave you alone.

 Respect nature…

 It is easier to see the beauty of something if you aren’t blinded by stupidity or fear.

“A smile, turned into defeat.”

                        Aria Sharp - “Whats your name?”

We live in a world without names.

Oh, we have have them, don’t get me wrong; but does anyone really remember them?  What good is a name if there is nothing attatched to it?  What good is a story if there is no one to hear it?  What good is a dream if you are afraid to reach for it?  What good are we if we don’t even think about what good we even are?

 Some people might call it an obessession, but I think it is a very valid question that we fail to ask anymore.

Just who the hell are we?

 Does anyone know who you are?  Who you truly are?   Does anyone know your story?  Doesn’t it bother you that no one knows your story?   Why the hell not?  If we truly go through life to learn from it; if we truly go through life so that we can better understand our place in it, beyond it and one day through it, then why in the world doesn’t anyone share that story so that we might all learn something?

 Is it vanity that we conceal it; ashamed of who we are?  Or maybe it is fear that we hide from it, afraid that we might be judged.  Perhaps it is modesty, not wanting praise, or I know…maybe it is embarassement, not wanting pity.

Perhaps this is where apathy, humanity’s greatest enemy, that causes this silence.   Far more likely, a combination of these things, but I place most of the blame once again on fear and apathy.

We just don’t care anymore.   And those who do care, are afraid to.

Even in a world of self-biographies, online journals and blogs, we don’t talk about the important things.   Politics, current events, daily schedules and reactions, and perhaps once in awhile, there is a heart-felt rant somewhere.

But even in a world of everyone expressing something; we still pass over the greatest stories of all; ourselves.

“I am an open book with hidden pages.”  I’ve always been fond of saying that, but most people don’t quite get it.  I don’t really expect most people to anymore; to do so would only be asking for dissapointment.  Some people think you are being coy, others think you are trying to show off.  There have been those who thought it means I try to hide things about myself, while there have been others that just look puzzled.

Either way, it makes me laugh a little bit.

 …What good is a name, if you know nothing about who that name is attatched to?

 What good is a name?

“This is it”

       Aria Sharp - Past times.

Sitting in the grass and seeing nothing but the sky, the sun, and the dandilions that you would all too happily pluck from the ground and much to the distgruntlement of your neighbors, take a deep breath and blow those little white puffs all over the place.   Make a wish and blow, then count how many little spores are left; that’s how many kids you were going to have…or how many days would pass before your wish came true.

 Even the poorest of children will find some sort of whimsical game that somehow makes any day brighter, if even for a moment.  There were trees to climb, dirt hills to conquer or swampy marshes or ponds to sludge through.  There were woods to adventure in, cornfields or grasslands to hide in or a street to play stickball or street hockey.  There is rock collecting and flower picking.  Fairy chasing and monster tag…wizards versus dragons and racing just to see how fast you could run.  Bugs, Dirt, Sunshine and Germs…you just didn’t think about that kind of thing when you were younger.

 …Growing up just seems to ruin everything.

 Because now we give our children video games and television..or they have jobs.

 Don’t get me wrong; I grew up on television as much as anyone.    I’d like to think that the shows we watched when we were younger actually made a little more sense however…and if there was nothing on T.V. we would always just play outside.   We still drove our parents nuts, and there were always chores to do.

…But something is going away; it has been for awhile now.

 Free -  Time is being whittled away, Gym is stripped from school programs, playtime saturated with agenda and television is still our babysitter with fast food restuarants being our chef.  We shove standardized testing down the throats of our children, listen to whatever the radio has to say and blindly follow the leader without stopping to question the true morality of it all.   I think if we could pull our heads out of our asses for a moment; we might be ashamed…but I can’t really tell, since there seems to be wax in the ears of those who would normally listen.

The world has never been more obese, more unhappy or more lost.

We really are lost, you know…

And I just can’t help but think how much happier we would all be if the entire world could forget reality for just enough time to play a game of hide and seek, drink some sugar-water and take a nap.

“and some things are better seen than heard…”

                                              Aria Sharp -  Only if you mean it

It has been a long weekend.   There is alot to be said about acceptance of one’s self; and sadly, it doesn’t seem to be a popular area of which people open up about.  I thought I would post a rather simple song for the sake of demonstrating exactly what I mean by that.  There is something in this song that just embraces self-worth and shows defience to deny the speaker what they are.  Love for yourself; one of the greatest things to have and yet so few in this world truly have it.  Some people don’t even think about it or value it, which I think is just as sad.  I have a few other things to say about this subject, but for now, I leave you with the words to mull over; Make of it what you will.

Let it Stay.

I’m scary,
I’m real good,
haven’t you figured that out, yet.
I’m lovely,
I’m real, dude.
I’m a test of my own faith, and,
all of the bad things you say,
won’t change the times that I pray to,

Love, whatever.
Truth, whenever.
Death, yeah sometime,
but wasn’t quite this morning.
Jealous, not one day
Angry, well some ways,
Pain, yeah, but it fades,
never forgotten, but always worth stopping,
sometimes let it stay…
sometimes, let it stay.